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Musings at 40…
So, unbelievably (to me), I am turning 40 this month. I have always said that 40 is nearly dead. I am not dead, nor to my knowledge ‘nearly’ dead so have now decided to focus on all the experiences I have had, the values and beliefs I now hold that get me through life, or that I use to tell myself to ‘get a grip’. I thought I would share some of these… warning – these are not intended to be preachy, but true to me based on my first 40 years, definitely learnings I would pass onto my son…
- The “when I grow up” has not arrived. There is still lots to learn, and lots to ‘be’.
- Time has become one of my most precious commodities.
- Hangovers last ten times as long… and I am now realising that there are better ways to spend that time.
- The saying ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ sounds great, and might be true, but equally, I believe that in this first world, you can’t be happy without money. People need a level of security for themselves and their families for a base level of happiness. This security cannot be achieved without money, and without a level of focus on earning that money.
- Write down random thoughts, especially the ones you have in the middle of the night (this can be very amusing).
- You need to love yourself to be able to truly love (or even like) others. You also need to realise that people really do think differently to you, and remove yourself from judging others through your lens (this is really, really, hard, and I have not quite got the hang of it yet). You also need to walk in the shoes of the ones you judge before reaching conclusions… and… there really are two sides to every story.
- Scary movies become scarier after 35.
- Good friends will challenge you to be your best self (this is quite annoying at the time).
- Family is really important – stay close (again this can be frustrating and annoying). Family and good friends can take you through anything in life. Try to be a good friend and family to those without.
- Love is not enough.
- Usually nothing comes from nothing. Some people are lucky and get something for nothing. Most of us need to work really hard to achieve our aspirations. You need to be motivated, work hard, challenge yourself and put your hand up even when things scare the crap out of you.
- There will always be someone better than you at something or a lot of things. Learn to use it not abuse it.
- Nothing comes from complaining or procrastinating or feeling sorry for yourself. Act.
- Laugh – a lot, and always try to smile with your eyes.
- Resilience is one of the best attributes to have in life.
- Trust and honesty is the only common basis of every kind of successful relationship.
- Ask questions. People respect you more for asking, than pretending you know.
- Tomorrow never comes.
- It is really hard to not care what others think of you, and sometimes you should… judging when you should and when you shouldn’t is even harder!
- Live your life and make decisions according to your own standards, not by the actions of the people around you.
- Trust your instincts.
- Discipline, resilience, respect and honesty are the best things you can teach your kids, and the only way to change the world.
- There are bad people in the world.
- You never regret exercising after you have done it.
- Smile at people, it could change their whole day/week/perspective. I know because random smiles and acts of kindness have changed mine.
Will add the next 25 at 50.
So Bruce Sheppard, Managing Partner of Gilligan Sheppard, had a read of Joshna’s article above and decided to add his musings…
Musings at 60.
- Days seem to get shorter, time seems to pass faster.
- You sleep less.
- Amazingly you are still breathing, and will do so until you stop, when and how being uncertain.
- You begin to reflect that you might actually love Winston Peters, and look forward to your gold card.
- You seem to become more patient and tolerant. More accepting – many would doubt that in me, but I don’t care either way.
- Success or failure seems less relevant, you just ‘are’. You are what you are, and it is what it is.
- Your attention span gets shorter that is why I can’t make a list of 25.
And then Bruce asked one of our younger team members to provide their musings… Tess is a member of the admin team…
Musings in your 20’s.
Before entering your 20’s you have this drive to want to be older so you can do all these things that teenagers can’t, but every birthday you have a meltdown that you are getting older. I am not sure why we want to be an adult as all I have gained is responsibilities, bills, paying taxes and actually having to hold down a job so I can pay my bills.
- No matter how many times you go to the same liquor store or supermarket you will always seem to be asked for your ID and have the comment of ‘oh you are so lucky to be asked’.
- You have this pressure from society that you are expected to study, graduate and enter a career that you don’t know what the hell it is supposed to be.
- You will get this comment more times than you will be able to count. “So what are you studying at Uni?” or my favourite one “What are you wanting to do with your life?”
- Friendships… it’s not quantity its quality.
- Stop comparing your life to what you see on social media. No, seriously. Comparison is a recipe for disaster. While it is hard to calm down what they call the ‘monkey mind’, try to notice when you are comparing. You don’t need to have a picture worthy life, your life is very likely more interesting than your friend who is over-sharing their trips from Coachella or Europe. They would not be if they were actually having fun.
- Be in the moment, put down your phone. You don’t need to record everything.
- Success is what you want it to be, not what others think it is.
- This one I think many of us take for granted… spend time with your family, especially your grandparents. You can learn a lot from them, all the things you are going through they have most likely gone through them.
- You don’t know everything… listen, read, learn.
- Lastly, don’t be so hard on yourself, just enjoy your life and enjoy who you are.