When you don’t know who you are outside of work and business

Boxers & Briefs Podcast #35: Why passion and resilience are essential for business owners with Loren Tomlinson

Three years into building The Social Collective, Loren Tomlinson thought she had business ownership figured out. Her digital marketing consultancy was growing, she’d hired her first employee, and she was working with clients she genuinely wanted to support. But when her business coach sat her down and asked a simple question, Loren’s world shifted.

“Who is Loren outside of The Social Collective?” the coach asked. Loren sat there, stunned. “I have no idea,” she admitted. She’d wrapped her entire identity up in her business so completely that she couldn’t separate who she was from what she did.

This moment of reckoning highlights one of the most overlooked challenges of entrepreneurship – maintaining your sense of self while building something you’re passionate about.

Starting by accident during lockdown

Loren’s journey to business ownership began the way many do—by accident. Fresh out of university, she quickly realised corporate life wasn’t for her and moved into freelancing across various digital marketing roles. At one point, she was juggling work for six different companies simultaneously.

“I think it was such a great training ground for everything that I brought into The Social Collective,” she reflects. But then Covid hit, and the marketing agencies she worked with, particularly those serving caterers, chefs, and the wedding industry, suddenly found themselves without clients.

As a contractor, Loren was first on the chopping block. But this setback became an opportunity when people who’d noticed her freelancing work reached out directly. The regional business partner funding that came with lockdowns provided the safety net she needed to take the leap into full-time entrepreneurship.

“I just decided, you know what, we’ve done it. We’ve stepped in full-time. There’s no looking back.” That was three and a half years ago.

Building the hub approach

Today, The Social Collective operates as both a core team and an extended network. Loren works with two key staff members—a full-time employee and a part-time contractor—plus what she calls ‘the collective,’ a crew of trusted business owners and freelancers who provide specialised services they don’t offer in-house.

“We’re really becoming this hub where if you need some kind of marketing support, no matter what it is, we should be able to offer it,” Loren explains. “And if we can’t, we can point you in the right direction with amazing people that we know.”

This approach allows them to serve as a one-stop shop while maintaining the boutique feel that comes with genuine relationships and expertise.

First big win through authentic connection

Loren’s breakthrough moment came not through aggressive sales tactics or marketing campaigns, but through a genuine conversation at a networking event. When an established businesswoman asked what she did and immediately said, “Would you manage my PR for me?” Loren knew something had shifted.

“It was the first time I’d sat face-to-face with someone who just looked at me and had full confidence that the business I’d created was what would support her through her next steps,” she recalls. There was no selling involved—just authentic connection and mutual trust.

The relationship lasted a year professionally and continues personally to this day. More importantly, it taught Loren the power of being genuinely herself in business interactions.

Unexpected challenge of becoming a boss

While Loren had managed contractors from almost day one, hiring her first employee in October 2022 brought unexpected challenges. Suddenly, she wasn’t just responsible for her own income and livelihood, but someone else’s too.

“It really wasn’t until I hired my first employee that I realised I’m a boss,” she says. The transition from doing all the execution work herself to becoming more of a strategist and project manager required letting go of control— something many entrepreneurs struggle with.

The shift meant recognising that her role had evolved. “My team’s not looking at where the future of the business is because that’s not their job. Their job is to support our clients, and my job is to support them to support the clients.”

Learning to separate criticism from identity

One of Loren’s biggest ongoing challenges is managing feedback and criticism without taking it personally. When your business is born from passion and becomes deeply intertwined with your identity, every piece of client feedback can feel like a personal attack.

“This business was born out of my passion for supporting other businesses in marketing,” she explains. “It came from such a passion that the business really became another reflection of me.”

This led to what Loren describes as always being seen ‘in business colours’—literally wearing brown (her brand colour) in both professional and personal settings. The boundary between Loren and The Social Collective had completely disappeared.

Working through this challenge is ongoing. “The more that I’ve been able to pull those pieces together and put together the puzzle of who I am, the better boss it’s made me, the better partner in my personal life, the better human I feel like I’m becoming.”

Authenticity as competitive advantage

In an industry where the line between influence and genuine support can blur, Loren’s commitment to authenticity sets her apart. “The Loren that you see on social media or that comes to a client call is exactly the person that you would get in my personal life,” she emphasises.

This consistency isn’t always easy to maintain, especially in the social media space where there’s pressure to create content constantly. “I find it hard to even record a video of what I’m doing in my day because that takes a whole other part of your brain,” she admits.

But the payoff is significant. Clients who discover her through her podcast or social media arrive already aligned with her approach and values. “They get such a good feel for who I am, the passion that I have, what we want to be doing with businesses, and then they reach out and say ‘that’s the girl and her team that I want to work with.’”

Strategies for entrepreneurial sanity

Managing the emotional roller coaster of business ownership requires intentional strategies. For Loren, physical fitness plays a crucial role, but not in the way you might expect.

“I have a trainer that I work out with because I absolutely love her,” Loren explains. “Someone gave me advice about outsourcing the things that you find tricky, and going to the gym is something I find really hard.”

Rather than forcing herself to figure out gym routines, she drives 30 minutes to her trainer’s house a few mornings each week. “I’ve never felt fitter and never felt mentally as strong as I am right now.”

Daily walks, initially suggested by her business coach, became another game-changer. Loren adapted the concept into ‘walk and talk’ sessions, using voice messages to handle business communications while getting her steps in.

Beyond physical wellness, Loren emphasises the importance of external support. “Whether it’s a business coach, personal coach, life coach, or therapist, having somebody outside of your inner circle to talk to about the rubbish that’s going on” provides essential perspective.

The June pivot that reignited passion

Earlier in 2024, Loren faced a crisis that many business owners encounter but rarely discuss openly. Despite running a successful business for three years, nothing was lighting her up anymore.

“I realised that we were working with really awesome businesses and doing amazing things, but nothing was enjoyable to me,” she recalls. The team’s energy was dimming alongside hers, and Loren knew something had to change.

Her solution was drastic—she pivoted the entire business model. Instead of focusing on ongoing management and coaching services for larger clients, she launched three starter kits: social media, advertising, and email marketing foundations that businesses could implement themselves.

“I had a lot of people look at me sideways going, ‘Why would you set up all of these one-off services? Why would you make yourself somewhere where people can come in once and then leave?’”

But Loren saw an overlooked community of small businesses that needed agency-level support without the long-term contracts and big budgets. Six people booked on the first day she announced the new offering, confirming she was onto something.

“Since then, my spark’s come back, my team’s spark’s come back, we’ve got so many epic plans,” she says. The pivot reconnected her with the small business community that had supported her from the beginning.

Advice for fellow entrepreneurs

Loren’s core advice is deceptively simple but profoundly important: “Lean into what lights you up. If it’s not lighting you up, you don’t have to do it.”

She’s learned that holding onto something that’s slowly dying because you told people you would do it leads to procrastination and burnout. “I’ve wrapped up contracts early because I’ve realised we are just not aligned, and that’s just life. It’s not them, it’s not me, it’s just we are not a match, and that’s okay.”

This philosophy extends beyond client relationships to business models, services, and strategic directions. The courage to change course when something isn’t working—even if it means admitting you were wrong or disappointing people—often makes the difference between businesses that thrive and those that merely survive.

Building for small businesses

Looking ahead, Loren’s vision focuses entirely on supporting the small business community that shaped her journey. “All of these small businesses have followed me over the years, their friends have followed me, their family members have followed me,” she explains.

Her new model provides agency-level marketing support on their terms, without forcing small businesses into long-term contracts they can’t afford. “I don’t want to suck the money out of small businesses in New Zealand and internationally.”

The approach recognises that while these businesses might not have large budgets, they often have time and enthusiasm to implement strategies themselves if given proper foundations and guidance.

Maintaining your identity while building your passion

Loren’s story illustrates both the intoxicating power of building something you love and the danger of losing yourself in the process. Her business coach’s question—“Who are you outside of work?”—forced a reckoning that many entrepreneurs avoid until burnout makes it impossible to ignore.

The ongoing challenge isn’t about achieving perfect work-life balance, but rather maintaining enough separation between your personal identity and business success that feedback, setbacks, and pivots don’t feel like existential threats.

As Loren continues building The Social Collective around her rediscovered passion for supporting small businesses, she’s learned that the most sustainable business growth comes from staying connected to what originally lit your fire—while remembering that the fire lives within you, not within the business itself.

Her journey serves as a reminder that entrepreneurship isn’t just about building something successful. It’s about building something that allows you to remain yourself in the process.

This article and podcast is proudly brought to you by Gilligan Sheppard, the problem solvers in business who believe in thinking differently.