From awkward introductions to genuine connections

Boxers & Briefs Podcast #41: How to network like a pro with BNI New Zealand’s Miranda Knapton

Most people think networking means collecting business cards at events or connecting with strangers on LinkedIn. Miranda Knapton knows better. As president of BNI (Business Network International) New Zealand, she’s spent over eight years proving that real networking starts with relationships, not transactions.

Miranda’s journey began when she and her husband ran a construction company in Christchurch. She joined BNI as ‘the builder’ in her chapter and quickly realised the value wasn’t just in potential contracts. It was in being surrounded by smart business owners each week, learning how they solved problems and evolved their businesses.

What networking means

Networking takes many forms. There are casual contact groups like PTA (Parent Teacher Association) meetings and Chamber of Commerce events. There are associations like Rotary or trade groups like Master Builders. There’s social media. All of these count as networking.

The difference with structured networking like BNI is specificity. Each chapter has only one professional per category. One builder, one plumber, one accountant. This removes competition from the room, allowing members to focus on building relationships rather than competing for attention.

As one BNI Director Consultant put it, “Are you looking for a coffee club or are you looking to grow your business?” Both have their place, but knowing what you need helps you choose where to invest your time.

Starting with humanity, not a pitch

Miranda’s best contract story proves her point about relationships first. As a Director Consultant (DC) supporting other BNI chapters, she met a chapter president. They clicked immediately. But she never mentioned her construction business to him. She respected the relationship he had with the builder in his chapter.

A year or two after he’d left the chapter, he called. He was buying a section and building a house. Miranda was the only builder he wanted to talk to.

“That was the highest dollar value contract Blue Summit had ever signed at that time,” Miranda says. “And that was from just rubbing shoulders, being genuine, showing up as a human and asking how he was, what was going on, how I could help.”

They already knew each other’s families, had talked through life challenges, and understood each other’s businesses. When it came time to build, the foundation of trust was already there. The relationship evolved naturally into a business transaction because they’d started with the human connection first.

“We’d already created this foundation of a relationship based on humanity,” Miranda explains. “Then it was able to evolve into business.”

The networking disconnect

People get networking wrong in predictable ways. They walk into a room planning to sell. But if everyone’s selling, who’s buying?

Other mistakes include throwing business cards around like confetti, trying to be the loudest person in the room, or racing to speak to every single person at an event.

Miranda’s approach is simpler. Go in with a goal. Maybe it’s five good connections. Do some research beforehand if you can. Prepare something memorable to say about what you do and why you do it. Then respect the conversations you’re in.

“Find something memorable,” Miranda suggests. “Don’t ram your product down someone’s throat. Get people interested. Tell them why you do what you do first.”

She gives examples. Instead of saying “I’m an electrician,” try “I light up people’s lives.” That gets attention and opens conversation.

For people new to networking, even showing up can be the goal. “Sometimes it might be okay, get dressed, go to this thing, hold my shoulders up, put a semi-smile on my face, don’t worry about that sick feeling in my stomach and get through this hour and a half.” That’s a valid first goal.

Networking solved business problems before it brought referrals

It took Miranda 18 months to get her first full referral in BNI. She wouldn’t trade that time for anything.

“I was able to listen to these amazing professionals about how they dealt with their challenges, whether it was team, clients, marketing, systems, websites, all of those sorts of things. I was able to evolve our business as we needed to.”

She wasn’t focused on getting work. She was focused on understanding the people in her chapter well enough to help them get referrals. The BNI core value is ’givers gain.’

While she gave a lot of business during that time, she also absorbed lessons that helped transform her company from a one-person operation to a multi-million dollar, award-winning business.

Having access to business owners across different industries gave her insights she could apply to her own work. “Business is business is business,” Miranda says. “The more I know about different games, the more I can go, oh, I kind of like how they play that over there. I’m going to bring that into my game.”

Advice for introverts

Miranda’s learned more about networking from introverts than from fellow extroverts. Introverts approach networking differently because they respect their own limits and don’t try to be someone else.

Kate Gibson from Valuation Partners told Miranda she couldn’t have joined BNI without visiting a couple of  times first, then, she knew the structure would be consistent. Same format, same people, similar flow each week. That predictability created enough comfort to join.

Miranda’s husband, also more introverted, doesn’t try to work the whole room. He has two or three quality conversations at an event and calls it a good night.

“Find a space that can create comfort for you,” Miranda says. The first meeting is never the most fun. But everyone’s been to their first meeting before. Most networking spaces, especially BNI chapters, are forgiving environments where someone’s been in your shoes and will help you through it.

If you can only mumble your name, profession, and business name at first, that’s okay. Start there.

Choosing where to invest your time

With so many networking options, how do you decide where to spend your time?

Miranda’s criteria when choosing her BNI chapter were straightforward. Who can I talk to at 7am every week? Not who would give her the most business or who had the best connections. Just who she could genuinely connect with that early in the morning.

She also suggests the ‘year of yes’ approach. When she started in BNI, she said yes to every one-to-one meeting request. These are 90-minute meetings where two members learn about each other’s businesses so they can refer each other better.

“That just became my motto for the year. Yes, let’s just say yes and see where it goes.” She met people she might not have taken the time to know otherwise.

The following year, she switched to “deeper, not wider.” She doubled down on relationships with the best synergies instead of constantly expanding her network.

Miranda also encourages people to find what will stretch them appropriately. If attending your local PTA meeting is a stretch, start there. If you want something that will blow your socks off, find an international conference. Growth doesn’t happen inside your comfort zone.

The results speak clearly

BNI New Zealand has just under 3,000 members across over 130 chapters from Kerikeri to Invercargill. In 2023, members closed over $116 million worth of business through referrals passed between each other. By October 2024, they were already over $140 million.

Globally, BNI has over 330,000 members in 77 countries and has closed roughly $23 billion in business.

But the numbers only tell part of the story. Miranda recently attended the global BNI convention in Hawaii with director consultant Jeff Brokenshire, a man in his late 60s who owns a health and safety consultancy. Within three hours, his mind was blown. He still had three and a half days to go.

“I could never have thought I would get anything out of something like this at my age and in my profession,” he told Miranda. Personal and professional development had shot to the top of his agenda.

Where to start

If you didn’t start networking 20 years ago, start now. Find something that’s slightly uncomfortable, maybe a small stretch, maybe a huge one.

The key is to be open. Don’t look at a networking event as a sales event. You have trade shows and client meetings for sales. Networking is about creating connections.

And remember, if you’re standing by yourself at an event, someone will find you. That person is probably meant to talk to you that night.

Miranda’s final thought is simple. “Most roads lead to BNI if it is business growth that you’re looking for.”

This article and podcast is proudly brought to you by Gilligan Sheppard, the problem solvers in business who believe in thinking differently.